by Krista Wallace, CFP®, AFC®
Help! I need somebody,
Help! Not just anybody,
Help! You know I need someone,
Help!
A client was talking with a friend who had told her, “Just call Krista – she’ll help you with that – she helps us with everything.” While that is the compliment of a lifetime, it left me reflecting on the idea of help itself.
I am in a helping profession – perhaps because I have struggled to ask for help (and have seen others do the same). There is something about helpers that puts us at ease. As Fred Rogers once said “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”
The need for help changes over our lifetime, but the struggle seemingly does not. The Beatles captured this in their song “Help” decades ago:
When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way,
But now these days are gone and I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind, I've opened up the doors.
As children, we often feel surrounded by too many helpers. We assert ourselves, claiming our independence in small ways. Many a parent has wearied over the words “MINE,” “NO,” and “ I CAN DO IT MYSELF.” Those early boundaries matter - they shape how we learn to both give and receive support.
As we grow into adulthood, independence becomes the armor we wear to conquer the world….or at least our little corner of it. We begin to build relationships and navigate responsibility. We still ask for help but it tends to be more practical: moving a couch (PIVOT!), share a ride, work through a problem. We establish and develop what we hope will be lifelong relationships and values.
Help me if you can, I'm feeling down,
And I do appreciate you being 'round,
Help me get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me?
Then something shifts. One day we wake up and realize “Uh oh – I’m the person who’s supposed to be the adult now. I’m the person who is supposed to know the things.” This comes with a quiet pressure to have it all together, to be the helper instead of the helped. And yet that’s often when we need help the most.
Humility becomes the agent for growth. We dive into asking for the help we didn’t know we needed. The help that we don’t quite have words for. We learn that growth doesn’t come from having all the answers, but instead from asking the right questions.
And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
My independence seems to vanish in the haze,
But ev'ry now and then I feel so insecure,
I know that I just need you like I've never done before.
And before we know it, we are in the winter of our lives and the concept of help changes again. Others begin “helping” and the independence we once knew begins to fade. This can lead to feelings of discomfort as help becomes less about choice and more about need.
I share this with you because at SoundView, we are, at our core, the helpers.
Yes, our work is financial – but in reality life is rarely only about the numbers, the answers or a perfect solution. It’s about knowing you don’t have to figure things out alone: perspective, partnership, and a willingness to listen are valuable tools on life’s journey. Each member of our staff has walked their own path, experienced their own challenges, and carried their own losses.
We see you.
We see each other.
We are here to help – whenever you are ready.